Computers, TVs and other electronic devices can both the saviour and the bane of family life. They come in so handy when children need a break or something to do while we get on with our endless lists. But kids can easily spend hours on them, skipping family meals and activities, going to bed too late or whizzing through homework instead of concentrating and putting in some effort, just so they can get back on them. Have you tried getting your child off the TV or computer when there’s something else you want them to do? You won’t have won any popularity contests, I can assure you. Otherwise delightful children can get into a total strop – even violent.
So how do you both limit screen time and maintain family harmony? The most important thing to remember is NOT to jump in and shout at them to get off the computer (or whatever) NOW!!! This approach is a sure-fire way to make your child angry and resentful, and it won’t solve the problem in the long run.
Karen’s Simple Solutions – How to get your child off the TV or computer, long-term:
Discipline
PLAN A – ASK YOUR CHILD HOW TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM
1. Consider why you need a rule around screen time? Do your children need to get to bed on time? Stop playing/watching when it’s mealtime? Get homework done properly? Share with a sibling? All of the above?
2. Explain the problem to your children. “I would like you to get to bed earlier in the evenings, but I know your favourite TV shows are on late. What do you think we should do about it?”
3. ASK THEM HOW THEY THINK THE PROBLEM SHOULD BE SOLVED! You’ll be amazed how easily this might resolve it. They’ll usually come up with good ideas – often better than your own – and stick to them because they feel respected and proud of their solution.
4. If they do come up with a good solution, commend them for it and implement it.
But what do you do if they don’t (or won’t!) come up with a decent answer?
Discipline
PLAN B – SET UP A NEW RULE AHEAD OF TIME
1. Consider why you need a rule around screen time? Do your children need to get to bed on time? Stop playing/watching when it’s mealtime? Get homework done properly? Share with a sibling? All of the above?
2. Decide what the new rule is going to be. Here are some possibilities: a time limit, not during mealtimes, stopping at 7pm or only after homework is finished properly.
3. Explain the problem to your children.
4. TELL THEM THE NEW RULE AHEAD OF TIME!! “I think playing computer games has become the priority in the afternoon, but actually, getting homework done properly needs to be the priority. So starting next Monday, you can play computer games only after I’ve seen you’ve done your homework properly.”
5. Tell them what will happen if they don’t stick to it. “If you don’t do your homework properly first, I’m afraid it’s no computers during the week. Homework really is far more important.”
6. Expect some moaning up front (they won’t be nominating you for Parent of the Year at this point).
7. Remind them a couple of times what is going to happen and when.
8. You’ll be amazed because once the big day arrives, they’re likely to be remarkably accepting of the new rule.
Then, if they don’t respect the rule, stick to your guns and ban the computer.
My suggestion for an easier life:
Don’t put a TV or computer in your child’s bedroom unless they absolutely need one for homework every night and there isn’t another one for them to use. You’ll save yourself a lot of grief trying to police the blasted thing!
Photo © Lars Plougmann – CC BY-SA 2.0
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