This solution is to Discipline.
You may be wondering why I didn’t start with Discipline. When our children misbehave, isn’t Discipline the answer?
Perhaps.
But once we’re Stopping and Thinking, Listening, Appreciating, Cooperating, and Loving and Looking After our children, they’re FAR more likely to feel we’re on their side. And that makes Discipline a thousand times easier.
Happy days!
So, what’s our best shot at getting our children to do what we ask?
Instead of swooping down and ordering them to turn off the computer NOW, it works far better if they know the rule ahead of time. Like – “Computer time is after homework is finished.” And if we remind them about it, perhaps when they get home from school.
Consequences can help, but made up on the spot they’re usually a train wreck. They also work far better if they’re clear in advance
so everyone knows what to expect. Ideally consequences are logical, or our children don’t learn to take responsibility for what’s happened and they tend to resent us instead.
So instead of: “You hit your sister? That’s it! No dessert tonight!”
Try: “You hit your sister? Well then go to your room for 10 minutes. We don’t want you around if you’re going to hit us.”
It’s well worth remembering that we aren’t trying to eliminate bad behaviour; we’re trying to deal with problems thoughtfully and effectively. It’s our job to be in charge, and our children will be more confident and secure knowing we are.
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